Reality Hits... and it sucks.

First off I want to say that this post is going to be mostly rants but I did want to get some good stuff in there before that happened.

First off holy shit I'm 25! In the first super cool move of my supervisor EVER, he gave me not only my birthday off (which hit a miserable Tuesday) but the Monday off as well. I skipped merrily home on Friday and enjoyed an action packed birthday weekend which was more than I thought would happen here in sunny California. On Saturday I spent some time with Samantha [an old high school friend who is now 1) a mother 2) a nurse and 3) my replacement mommy out here] where we did some very very "typical" California things. We got some frozen yogurt (oh Cali people and their lowfat frozen treats) and took in a show at the Improv in an Irvine mall. The malls in California are admittedly better than the outdoor ones in Chicago. I'm assuming that the year round sunny weather makes that possible. Lucky for me Harland Williams was the main event at the Improv and he let a very, very drunk Suzie take a picture with him. Then we ate some tasty food and went back to her house to play Rockband into the wee hours of the night. It was strange to wake up on her couch (in a way adult apartment she shares with her husband and child) hearing her 1 year old squawking in the next room. Strange because his mother and used to do some high school-y rebellious things together and imagining that she is now in charge of a little man is weird. But him and I hung out until his mom got up and made us delicious breakfast. I headed home to my Chris and we went walking for the first time at Runyon Canyon. I was pretty sure I was going to die as we climbed the narrow steps up the tallest mountain in the world (shut up, I know it's not true). The view when we got to the top was amazing, however. I could see every part of smoggy Los Angeles and I knew that this was something pretty cool.  Then we made some delectable anniversary burgers (6 years holy crap) and ate them classily with some champagne. It was a good night indeed. On Monday we spent the day at Venice beach which was relatively quiet (Chris said that potheads aren't up at the crack of 12pm) and we walked around while people hawked their random goods at us. It was fun and somewhat relaxing. Before we headed out we found a gem within Venice. The Venice Canals are like little water ways that cut through a tiny community. There are a few bridges that cars can drive over but mostly it is pedestrian traffic and really quite amazing.  That night we went to an improv/stand up show which Chris KILLED. It was quite hilarious and afterwards we were fed by the host's mother (who was very drunk but repeatedly told me I was adorable) and amongst the comedians time quietly ticked by and my birthday arrived. On Tuesday, my actual birthday, Chris and I headed to another hidden gem (was kind of in the ghetto) called the Watts Towers. The towers were created by a man named Watts for over 30 years from found objects. Pretty awesome. We couldn't get inside but I took as many pictures as I could and plan to go back when it is officially open. Then we set off to the "fashion district" for more hawking and random shopping.  It was pretty awesome. On the way home we bought some steaks and had another fabulous meal in with champagne. Pretty good weekend overall.

Now to the ranting and reality that has struck since then.
So work hasn't been great as I have already stated. My partner and I aren't doing what we told we were going to be doing and everyday we feel pretty damn useless and watch the clock tick by until we leave. We've discussed the situation with everyone we can and it seems like things should improve by November but it's still relatively frustrating to want to do something for little money and still not able to do it.
That's not the worst thing however. The other day I found my first cockroach in our apartment. I have been afraid of this since moving out of the pristine apartment my mother rented to me. If you know my mother you are aware that she is a "mother of doom." She will list out all the ways terrible things can happen to you just so you are prepared. It's quiet terrifying and thoroughly effective. Well she listed roaches as one of my main concerns for moving to Los Angeles and I thought that I was perhaps safe when I found an apartment that was a steal and very clean. As I was signing away 13 months of my life my new landlord drops on me that they spray every year, and month depending on the need. "Are roaches a problem" I ask incredibly freaked out that I am now chained to this apartment, "not so much anymore but we want to make sure they stay away." As we move our things in I find a dead one and freak out. It's dead, Chris says, don't worry. For a month I don't really worry. It's always on my mind though because I am my mother's child. Then as I am cleaning our apartment and on the phone with my mother (of course while Chris is off being funny) I move some paper to find a little brown bug. I quickly get off the phone with my mom (who is just as grossed out as I am) and trap the bastard under a Tony the Tiger cup and freak out some more. I'm thoroughly disgusted and when Chris gets home we get the fucker into a Tupperware. We show the landlady and she agrees to spray us and the apartments around us. I talk to my mom about it and all she does is freak me out more about how they will infest everything I own and never leave my life. So if you think that this is a overreaction you can see why...
I get some roach motels and hope that they will work after they spray since my mother (and all the wikipedia pages about it) has told me, ever so awesomely, that spraying never ever works. It only keeps them away for a bit. I calmed myself down a bit because I do have to live here (thanks lease) and we start keeping the apartment immaculate. Then another asshole shows up in my bathtub this morning. I can't deal with it man. This is my nightmare since my mother  has implanted the awful things that could be or are happening as we speak to my things. I don't feel comfortable in my own home and all I want to do is take my things from this apartment and live somewhere else.  I want to bag all of my crap up so the evil vermin can't get inside and get out. But I can't. My lease is 13 months and because they are trying to get rid of them I have no legal way to get out of my lease unless my landlady lets me out. And we can't afford more than what we pay. So after a major freak this morning I have claimed war against the bastards. We'll have little roach hotels out and change them every three months. They supposedly will take the bait back to the nest and kill everyone else. Hopefully my mother can get us some of the pesticide that she uses in her apartments. I hate that I don't feel comfortable and I hate that I'm in this position and that I was dumb enough to not ask the landlady about it before I signed a lease. I asked the guy who showed the apartment to us and he said oh no, which was one of the many lies he told us. It makes me feel really dumb and I hate everything about it. The only thing I can do is fight it and keep everything I have wrapped up and be stringent. Ugh.
And on the note of my landlady... She's been really kind of weird. She's really nice but she wants to be friends and often crosses the line of landlord and tenant. So here I sit in my apartment feeling grossed out with roach motels everywhere and my phone buzzing with texts from the woman I rent from.  It's not the worst thing that could have happened when I moved away but I'm not happy. But good things are that 1) our apartment is clean as hell and 2) I have been reminded of how awesome Chris is about pretty much everything. It's nice to live with him. He is my calm.

That's all for now. Sorry for the bitch session. I'll post more soon that will be better I promise.

And I Have Some Internet

Oh the joys of internet. Looking up things, stalking people, finding the closest grocery store now at my finger tips. Mmmm delicious. The way I have it is a little sketchy but here's hoping that cheap internet doesn't bite me in the ass.

So I'm still waiting to see the cool things about LA. The streets seem always dirty and the parking is almost always a pain. Chris went to San Francisco for a couple days (a comedy opportunity) leaving me alone for a few days. I walked around my Korea/Unidentified spanish-speaking neighborhood where I found dozens of shops hawking cheap clothes (like 5 dollars for a dress) and people with carts full of strange looking and smelling things. It's cool in it's own way and I decided I would take a walk to my neighborhood Walgreens for some stuff. The mile and a half there was uphill (I forgot about hills) so by the end of my journey I was exhausted. I did learn that I can probably buy anything in the tiny mini malls dotting Vermont street and a tasty place for coffee and boba. People looked at me funny but that I might be all in my head... or I just look funny. We'll see.

My next day alone I planned on visiting some of those dollar stores and random grocery stores but I couldn't find safe or free parking. I made my way to the only Starbucks I know of for some wifi, which is in the USC area (most of the coffee places here don't let you use their wifi without spending a certain amount of money or time there). It was full of students buying expensive beverages, which made me miss college days with expendable money, and a creepy dude who has been there every single time I've been. The last time Chris and I saw him he was plugged into the wall with his Nintendo saying things loudly like "yeah baby do that, grab a hold of it baby, yeah do it do it." We checked and he was playing a hot wheels game.  I was there for hours uploading photos and soaking up as much internet as I could. Then I went home, ate some not great Mexican from a place I yelped (very meh) and organized my pictures and cleaned. So my time without Chris was not exactly well spent in exploring LA but I did find out where us cheap people can find things to do.

Work is a little weird. Our site supervisor was gone all last week so this week my teammate and I had to show some ideas we came up for what we can do at CCD. Most of the week we fucked around on the internet and "researched." Our time is supposed to be 80% tutoring and teaching something at least mildly related to Literacy and the people at CCD don't seem to get what that means. They also don't seem to get that when you tutor someone you have to have some kind of knowledge of what they are studying. Otherwise you are a useless tutor. They think we can tutor anyone in their programs which range from Metro bus drivers, CNA's and EMT classes. Yeah how can I help them other than studying with them? So most of our time now is dedicated to revamping their "job club" which is in need of an update. I still find this placement to be kind of a joke but I know that if I actually try we can do good things. I just hate having no purpose at the moment. And their break room has a terrible roach problem. I hate roaches and I'm terribly afraid of them infesting my life and my apartment. Eww. So in all appearances my job site seems like an unorganized mess. And in reality it's close to it. But the work they do and the services they offer are well worth it.

 More, hopefully exciting posts to come. I'm going to post here some of my favorite pictures from the trip. Love to all!

BBQ in Missouri

New Mexico loves Jesus.

Me goofing in the car.

I never realized how awesome mountains are. Except when you're driving through them

This was my buddy from the creepiest place on earth's bathroom.

Ostriches! 

Me in Arizona. After the mountain ordeal. 

California welcoming me... and trying to search my car.

How Delightful That I Can Post From My Phone.

Or maybe just wrong? Either way I have been musing about L.A. and the strangeness that it is and I'd like to share them.

1) Ryan Seacrest is EVERYWHERE. He has attacked every crevice of LA. In Chicago he was confined to my tv (if I wanted him on it) and limited to only an hour on my radio. Now as I drive the 8 miles to work he bogart the billboards and mucks up my radio. Unpleasant. He's not even entertaining on the morning radio.

2) The libraries here are LAZY. LAZY I TELL YOU! They don't even open until 10am (sometimes 12:30pm) and then close promptly at 5pm. None seem to be open on Mondays either. What is that? What government institution isn't open in the morning? What happens if you need to print something out before work? Kinko's? Really? What the hell? I went yesterday to work on some freelance stuff, which required the internet, and I pull up to find a tiny cramped parking lot that's ridiculously full. (Separate point that's related: Parking SUCKS here. It seems too cramped for this many cars and it's rare to find a place you don't have to pay or move your car after an hour) There's more parking for the McDonald's next door. I had park in a shady place two blocks away (since all the parking right in front of the library is 1 hour). I will say it was very pretty however, even if it had no parking.

3) During high traffic times (which can be anytime... no one seems to have a job here) it may take more than two lights to make a left turn. There are few "left turn only" lights and I have sat waiting to turn for 5 lights. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, people don't have any idea how to drive or they are assholes. Or the ever charming combo. Most of the traffic in the mornings is caused by accidents because people here do whatever the hell they want. It's like when you're driving in Chicago and you see that you can get somewhere quicker only if you do some very dangerous, dumb, and assholey things. You think about it and usually go "nah" because you don't want to die nor cause the death of another. In LA they don't think, they do. I have to be on guard all the time for people causing all kinds of havoc! 

4) Everyone outside of LA in California seems to be having the best. Time. Ever. A few weeks ago I visited Samantha and her little one in Lake Forest, which is about an hour out of LA. It was beautiful. The mountains were clear, the streets were clean and Sami's apartment overlooks a canyon where there are coyotes and mountain lions howling at night. We went to a "swim club" for Justin's first birthday and at the end of the party Sami, the baby, and I went for a dip in the pool. We were getting out when this enormous group of teenagers swarmed the pool laughing and tossing their long long hair (boys too). They were tall, tan, thin and seeming oblivious to any kind of problem in the world. They giggled their surfer giggles and leaped into the pool with grace and ease. "See," said Sami "this is why I moved here. Everyone is so happy and pretty." I observed these kids and realized they made me uncomfortable. Why? Perhaps it's because I'm a Midwesterner or because I grew up bitter but their carefree nature seemed to mock me. Life seemed too awesome for them and the slightest bump might break their perfect little worlds. I thought to myself, God I don't want to have kids that are like this. Sure I want them to be happy and carefree (for the most part) but I want them to be realistic. I want them to have suffered a little, experienced shoveling out the driveway or their boogers freezing in the below zero air. I think growing up in an environment that doesn't change season makes you think everything is so easy. I want my babies Midwestern. Seasons change damnit and they need a thicker skin to deal with it. Yeah reading that last bit over probably makes me sound terrible but most of my favorite people grew up in the Midwest and I love them dearly (and their cynicism). People here, especially LA, don't seem real unless they grew up somewhere else.

Well I'm done with my mini LA rant for now but there will be more I'm sure. NINJA!

This is STUPID

Surprisingly I am not commenting on Los Angeles the city.

I have been in Los Angeles for two full weeks now and I feel "OK." I even wrote a little spiel that didn't make it here because of my non internetness that proclaimed that as I reach my 25th year I'm happy that somethings have fallen into place. I haven't explored the natural wonders California has to offer yet nor tasted the delicious cuisine. I have however moved into my studio apartment with Chris, gotten electricity in my name, and other little "big girl" things I didn't have to do in Chicago while mooching of my parents. I still don't have a California Driver's License or internet for that matter (at work using the free resources) but I feel generally settled.

OR DO I?

I'm feeling a little swindled right now and let me explain why.

1) apparently the "cheap" internet does not come to my apartment. I don't think we can live without it and so far every provider I've called says they either don't reach us or it will cost at least 40 dollars a month. I make dick. I make less than dick actually, technically my stipend doesn't even count as income. I don't know how I'm supposed to rummage up 20 bucks a month when living here is already costing me a lot. This is a problem.

2) I have started my job which was at first very exciting. I was stuck in a jobless rut in Chicago and it felt good to be back in the non-profit world with AmeriCorps. But now that I have officially started at my service site I'm feeling lost again.

So I joined LiteracyAmeriCorps Network which is exactly as it sounds, AmeriCorps people doing literacy things. I was chosen by my "site supervisor" after a quick interview over the phone where he told me that I would be helping people get jobs and set up some kind of "networking" thing. It sounded vague but promising. After I get here and meet the others in my cohort (there are 14 of us in total) I learn they are at other sites that do case management, ESL tutoring, or high school/young child tutoring. Joey and I (he's my partner) instead have been placed at Community Career Development, which is new to this whole "AmeriCorps" thing. So after training a bit with the other people in LAC we made it to our sites ready to make a difference. We get there to find...that they have no idea what they want to do with us.

My "boss" or site supervisor is a nonchalant dude who is like "I have an idea for what I kind of sort of want you to work on but that's all I got." As part of LiteracyAmeriCorps we're supposed to be working on literacy in all its' forms at least most of the time. So far we've put together binders and created a "study tips" worksheet for people enrolled in the Metro Bus Driver classes. Oh and my "boss" (if I could do air quotes instead it would be more effective but here we are) stuck us at a different worksource site this week with a woman who assumes that we can just do what she wants without any materials or training. She wanted us to make the aforementioned study skills worksheet for materials we're not familiar with which we did from piecing together things from the internet. She also things we should just be able to run a Job Club (a club that teaches about resumes, interviews blah blah blah) without any materials either. I'd like to tell her that I'm only here because I couldn't get a damn job.

It's frustrating. For most of the day today Joey and I have been trying to figure out how we can be helpful to the population we're supposed to be serving, what kind of programs we can implement, and where we belong here. So far...nowhere. I wanted this place to be challenging and a learning experience but now I feel like a stupid intern and that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing which at this point is I DON'T KNOW WHAT. I feel unprepared and I hate sitting at a desk with nothing to do for 8 hours.

Will I find my place here? Will Joey and I make an awesome program that can be used after we leave? Will I ever have internet again? I'm not sure but it did feel good to vent.

In other news: I miss my friends, I miss my home, and I miss my mom. That was to be expected though I guess and I'm trying to like Los Angeles. I'll let you know how that goes. Until I have time/internet again...goodbye faithful readers (read Diana).