How Delightful That I Can Post From My Phone.

Or maybe just wrong? Either way I have been musing about L.A. and the strangeness that it is and I'd like to share them.

1) Ryan Seacrest is EVERYWHERE. He has attacked every crevice of LA. In Chicago he was confined to my tv (if I wanted him on it) and limited to only an hour on my radio. Now as I drive the 8 miles to work he bogart the billboards and mucks up my radio. Unpleasant. He's not even entertaining on the morning radio.

2) The libraries here are LAZY. LAZY I TELL YOU! They don't even open until 10am (sometimes 12:30pm) and then close promptly at 5pm. None seem to be open on Mondays either. What is that? What government institution isn't open in the morning? What happens if you need to print something out before work? Kinko's? Really? What the hell? I went yesterday to work on some freelance stuff, which required the internet, and I pull up to find a tiny cramped parking lot that's ridiculously full. (Separate point that's related: Parking SUCKS here. It seems too cramped for this many cars and it's rare to find a place you don't have to pay or move your car after an hour) There's more parking for the McDonald's next door. I had park in a shady place two blocks away (since all the parking right in front of the library is 1 hour). I will say it was very pretty however, even if it had no parking.

3) During high traffic times (which can be anytime... no one seems to have a job here) it may take more than two lights to make a left turn. There are few "left turn only" lights and I have sat waiting to turn for 5 lights. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, people don't have any idea how to drive or they are assholes. Or the ever charming combo. Most of the traffic in the mornings is caused by accidents because people here do whatever the hell they want. It's like when you're driving in Chicago and you see that you can get somewhere quicker only if you do some very dangerous, dumb, and assholey things. You think about it and usually go "nah" because you don't want to die nor cause the death of another. In LA they don't think, they do. I have to be on guard all the time for people causing all kinds of havoc! 

4) Everyone outside of LA in California seems to be having the best. Time. Ever. A few weeks ago I visited Samantha and her little one in Lake Forest, which is about an hour out of LA. It was beautiful. The mountains were clear, the streets were clean and Sami's apartment overlooks a canyon where there are coyotes and mountain lions howling at night. We went to a "swim club" for Justin's first birthday and at the end of the party Sami, the baby, and I went for a dip in the pool. We were getting out when this enormous group of teenagers swarmed the pool laughing and tossing their long long hair (boys too). They were tall, tan, thin and seeming oblivious to any kind of problem in the world. They giggled their surfer giggles and leaped into the pool with grace and ease. "See," said Sami "this is why I moved here. Everyone is so happy and pretty." I observed these kids and realized they made me uncomfortable. Why? Perhaps it's because I'm a Midwesterner or because I grew up bitter but their carefree nature seemed to mock me. Life seemed too awesome for them and the slightest bump might break their perfect little worlds. I thought to myself, God I don't want to have kids that are like this. Sure I want them to be happy and carefree (for the most part) but I want them to be realistic. I want them to have suffered a little, experienced shoveling out the driveway or their boogers freezing in the below zero air. I think growing up in an environment that doesn't change season makes you think everything is so easy. I want my babies Midwestern. Seasons change damnit and they need a thicker skin to deal with it. Yeah reading that last bit over probably makes me sound terrible but most of my favorite people grew up in the Midwest and I love them dearly (and their cynicism). People here, especially LA, don't seem real unless they grew up somewhere else.

Well I'm done with my mini LA rant for now but there will be more I'm sure. NINJA!