This is STUPID

Surprisingly I am not commenting on Los Angeles the city.

I have been in Los Angeles for two full weeks now and I feel "OK." I even wrote a little spiel that didn't make it here because of my non internetness that proclaimed that as I reach my 25th year I'm happy that somethings have fallen into place. I haven't explored the natural wonders California has to offer yet nor tasted the delicious cuisine. I have however moved into my studio apartment with Chris, gotten electricity in my name, and other little "big girl" things I didn't have to do in Chicago while mooching of my parents. I still don't have a California Driver's License or internet for that matter (at work using the free resources) but I feel generally settled.

OR DO I?

I'm feeling a little swindled right now and let me explain why.

1) apparently the "cheap" internet does not come to my apartment. I don't think we can live without it and so far every provider I've called says they either don't reach us or it will cost at least 40 dollars a month. I make dick. I make less than dick actually, technically my stipend doesn't even count as income. I don't know how I'm supposed to rummage up 20 bucks a month when living here is already costing me a lot. This is a problem.

2) I have started my job which was at first very exciting. I was stuck in a jobless rut in Chicago and it felt good to be back in the non-profit world with AmeriCorps. But now that I have officially started at my service site I'm feeling lost again.

So I joined LiteracyAmeriCorps Network which is exactly as it sounds, AmeriCorps people doing literacy things. I was chosen by my "site supervisor" after a quick interview over the phone where he told me that I would be helping people get jobs and set up some kind of "networking" thing. It sounded vague but promising. After I get here and meet the others in my cohort (there are 14 of us in total) I learn they are at other sites that do case management, ESL tutoring, or high school/young child tutoring. Joey and I (he's my partner) instead have been placed at Community Career Development, which is new to this whole "AmeriCorps" thing. So after training a bit with the other people in LAC we made it to our sites ready to make a difference. We get there to find...that they have no idea what they want to do with us.

My "boss" or site supervisor is a nonchalant dude who is like "I have an idea for what I kind of sort of want you to work on but that's all I got." As part of LiteracyAmeriCorps we're supposed to be working on literacy in all its' forms at least most of the time. So far we've put together binders and created a "study tips" worksheet for people enrolled in the Metro Bus Driver classes. Oh and my "boss" (if I could do air quotes instead it would be more effective but here we are) stuck us at a different worksource site this week with a woman who assumes that we can just do what she wants without any materials or training. She wanted us to make the aforementioned study skills worksheet for materials we're not familiar with which we did from piecing together things from the internet. She also things we should just be able to run a Job Club (a club that teaches about resumes, interviews blah blah blah) without any materials either. I'd like to tell her that I'm only here because I couldn't get a damn job.

It's frustrating. For most of the day today Joey and I have been trying to figure out how we can be helpful to the population we're supposed to be serving, what kind of programs we can implement, and where we belong here. So far...nowhere. I wanted this place to be challenging and a learning experience but now I feel like a stupid intern and that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing which at this point is I DON'T KNOW WHAT. I feel unprepared and I hate sitting at a desk with nothing to do for 8 hours.

Will I find my place here? Will Joey and I make an awesome program that can be used after we leave? Will I ever have internet again? I'm not sure but it did feel good to vent.

In other news: I miss my friends, I miss my home, and I miss my mom. That was to be expected though I guess and I'm trying to like Los Angeles. I'll let you know how that goes. Until I have time/internet again...goodbye faithful readers (read Diana).