So Close...

I am so close to being home I can taste snow. In a few days I will be basking in the glory of most of you that dare read this really whiny blog (with the exception of roro and tracy). Being in Los Angeles during the fall and winter has been really trippy. It doesn't often dip below 50 degrees and even when I'm feeling toasty native Californians are wearing winter coats and beanies. Christmas decorations hang from palm trees and while "Let is Snow" hums at me from the radio it all feels like kind of a big joke. How can it be Christmas when it's not cold? How can Santa be on his way when my wet hair or boogers aren't freezing as I run to my car? It's pretty here and all with its' mild temperatures and mountains and glistening ocean but knowing that shoveling is in my near future warms my tiny grinch heart. Is it weird that I'd rather be cold and probably miserable than have incredibly mild weather all the time? I blame my stubborn Midwestern heart. I don't think it will let me enjoy mild weather too much in fear that I'll turn traitor. Besides I really enjoy making fun of my coworkers when they are "cold."

I do think I have figured out why people who move to California will sometimes stay here. I believe most of them don't live in Los Angeles proper... Chris and I went to Redondo Beach this weekend to celebrate his second cousin's wedding anniversary with some seafood. Oh. My. God. We got there early enough to explore the edge of the ocean poking out from the harbor and words cannot describe. Well maybe some like inner peace, glorious sparkling water, sensuous sounds of lapping water, you know crap like that. When his family came, our meal consisted of fresh caught crab that was so good it made me want to cry. And eat ten more. We ventured onto the mini boardwalk and wasted money in the arcade as well as checked out the other seafood joints that hawked fresh fish cooked to your liking. I looked across the water and was like oh I see. To love California you have to be near the things that make it awesome. Not stuck in the city that makes it suck. Silly me. While part of me wants to have this "real" California lifestyle (hanging out by the ocean and beaches or scaling some crazy mountain), another part doesn't. I know that I have never loved a city more than Chicago and that is probably because it's the only city I've lived in and almost all the people I love most in the world live there. If we could afford living near the ocean or up in the mountains I'd be a little afraid that my heart would lean another way. I think it would kill me to love another place. I know that while my mom is sympathetic to my bitching about Los Angeles, she can barely contain her joy that I hate it so much. That means that whatever babies come from me will live in the same city as her. Lucky for me and her Los Angeles is where I have to be and thus far is in no way superior to Chicago. I think either way even if I ended up liking California I could never make a permanent home here. Most of my people are in Chicago and they mean more to me than a pretty ocean or a glorious mountain scape.

That being said I have to make a better effort in adjusting to living here. I'm here for at least another 9 months and if I can find a job after AmeriCorps longer than that. I'm driving Chris and myself nuts with complaining and I'm no quitter damn it. I can't let this city win. It needs to know who it is messing with. I have created a little cheat sheet for me to enjoy my time here: 1) Deal with roaches. Apparently roaches are as common here as spiders and centipedes are in the world. Alright I'm exaggerating but it's a huge problem here (everyone has them) that can't be solved really without breaking some laws (like making residents allow exterminators to spray or completely bomb the building). I've done what I can for my apartment for now (with the legal help of Ms. McKinney) and while I'd like to get out of my apartment I probably won't have the legal standing. So I have to just deal with it and not let it drive me insane. And when possible move out and bomb/burn everything I own and hopefully find a roach free apartment. 2) Get some friends. I've been trying to hang out with my coworkers after our meetings so I have some friendly interactions with people. I don't really have anyone I can hang out with on a regular basis (Sami is a mom and a nurse and lives an hour away) and I think I have to force myself to make some friends. Ugh. 3) I joined a gym. While I probably shouldn't of it just sort of happened and I feel like it might help me de-stress myself and break out of my sitting at home and doing nothing rut. Now that I'm paying for it I just have to exercise and get out of the house or I'll be wasting relatively hard earned money. 4) Do more fun stuff in/out of Los Angeles. The days I can get out and do stuff are almost always the best. It takes my mind off my crappy job and apartment and lets me believe in fun again. I got to shake my crazy annoyed rut or I'll implode. The good thing is that I can post more about my adventures than my misadventures in Los Angeles. We'll see how it goes. Keep up good spirits for me wherever you are.


Here are some Redondo Beach pictures so instead of counting on my word picture you get a REAL one.

What a Suck Hole

This blog is beginning to be less about my adventures in Los Angeles and more about my annoyances with this damn city. I think this place is providing a perfect storm of things that drive me insane and compacted them into my first couple months of living here. All the things that should be really cool about Los Angeles aren't and I feel like I'm at war at home and in the office. With the help of a lawyer friend (you know who you are) I'm currently trying to get out of my lease/ out of my apartment.

But what are the highlights of my life here?

Well Chris is the biggest and best one. When he is home he's the official bug killer and he can make me laugh even when I'm feeling like my brain is going to leak out of it's ears. You know you're with someone good when they watch fall completely apart and all they want to do is put you back together again. It's nice to have him by my side while I'm trying to figure this "life" out. I know that if we're together (yeah it's about to be a lame but completely true sentiment) I'll be alright.

My coworker Joey is another. My job consists of dealing with a broken down system that has people either unable to do their job or are unwilling to. The clients I serve can be amazing but can also be rude and lazy and all I want to do is scream at them "if you won't help yourself why should I help you?" I think AmeriCorps is supposed to be about working for nothing and loving it anyway. At least at City Year there were some amazing people and some awesome kids. Here it's just adults grasping at last straws. I was lucky enough to get paired with a random Midwesterner who shares my views on this job as well as being RIDICULOUS when we can be. We're surrounded by the crazy LAers and we have to be fight the sucking void by making fun of our lives.

The mountains. Really they are pretty amazing. From my strange half cubicle I can see them outside my coworkers office and they remind me of the good stuff California has to offer that Illinois doesn't. There are palm trees and I haven't had to worry about a winter jacket yet. And I think it's funny that all of Los Angeles' decorations have a semblance of snow or winter. I think it's ridiculous.

I know that I should have moved out here and forced myself from the wonderful womb of Chicago. I just wish that I wasn't battling everything on top of being homesick.

Really Los Angeles? Really?

So I've been trying to make friends with Los Angeles. Really, I have. I am terribly homesick, I miss my real friends, and all I want to do is pack up my crap and move home. However I haven't thrown in the towel yet. This is the first time I've moved away from home and I get to live with my boyfriend. And screw you Los Angeles I'm no quitter damn it. Talk to my pelvis and your understand. I've even had some fun here to be honest. We went to the Los Angeles Zoo yesterday (doesn't hold a candle to Brookfield or Lincoln Park... The animals all looked sad... like the people) but we frolicked and looked at the crazy animals. It was a good day and it was a pleasant 75 degrees outside in November.

Then Los Angeles kicked me in the non-existent balls this morning. I called in sick because the food we ate last night punched me in the stomach and I was still feeling awful. After I made the call and got ready to have a sleep in Chris and I heard a huge gurgling sound from our sink. Then we heard a splashing noises and ran into our kitchen to find the sink overflowing with gray water. WHAT THE FUCK. As Chris was standing in utter shock I grabbed all of our towels and tried to staunch the flow away from our wood floors. As Chris ran upstairs to try and find our new landlady (the other got fired) I tried to call the numbers we had for our management. I'm pretty sure I scared alot of people because I was really pissed and still am. I think this might get us out of our lease and I'm going to try my damnedest to leave. UGH. I don't understand why Los Angeles has to suck this much.

Is every "official" moving away experience supposed to be like this? Full of shitty apartments with roaches and overflowing sinks? Are you supposed to miss your friends this much? BLARGH.

Updates... Sort of?

Let's see... what has changed? What have I done...

Well I went "nazi" on the roaches. They need to be exterminated because they are disgusting and I don't feel bad about saying it. I take my domain as human to kill anything pissing me off in my apartment (alright fine not people or domesticated animals). There have been two more sightings (one dead, one running... although Chris says it wasn't one) not counting the two I've seen in the hallway. They sprayed on the 7th and it is obviously a useless treatment especially with all the crap we had to go through to prepare. You have to have all of your furniture 2 feet from the wall and take everything out of cabinets and closets so they can spray all along the walls and cabinets. This would be easier if our apartment wasn't freaking tiny and we didn't have so much shit... It all had to be done the night before since putting all of your stuff in the middle of a room makes everything much more difficult. As Chris and I sniped at each other we boxed and moved all of our shit into strategic piles while covering things up so they didn't get sprayed. It's like moving out of your apartment but without the new awesome apartment. After hours we moved the bed in the middle and crashed at 3am. Then we had to get up at 7:30am to put all of the shit on  top of our bed and get out of the apartment by 8am and off to work. I think this experience could be a litmus test for any relationship. If you kill each other during the process than you know you're not meant to be. Especially because one of you is dead. Anyway Chris and I survived and are pretty awesome. I even made him watch all of Friends. Hehehe.

But what else have I done you say other than attack roaches? Well....
I've been trying to see the cool things in the Los Angeles area. It's so spread out though that seeing something usually takes all day and I have to research parking and other crap like that.

I ate some very very delicious In N Out. It's a California favorite and I can see why. Chris and I devoured this before heading off to a party. Nom nom nom.

Also Chris and I had a good date night where we went to the Grove mall which is a unnecessarily fancy.  We saw the Social Network (for a whopping 25 dollars). Along with the fancy stores this mall has a gorgeous pond and fountain as well as a trolley. It's ridiculously expense too so it's more of a walk around mall than a buy things mall...

 But they do have a pretty awesome year round farmer's market (don't have to shut down when there is no winter weather) and it was pretty sweet. It has a bunch of different food stands and 2 bars. It makes me want to eat my way through it. We stopped at the New Orleans food stand and I got some drunken shrimp with sweet potato chips and corn bread. It was so tasty. I earmarked like six different places I want to eat at there including a crepe place and bakery. It's like fatty paradise.

 We also visited Randy's Donuts in Inglewood (not as scary as it seems) and got some famous fritters. They were tasty that's for sure.

 FRITTER!

 I love these little signs because there is no way our drains in Illinois lead to the ocean. The only problem is that Los Angeles people don't care and they are usually clogged with trash.

This was near the Santa Monica Pier. It was part of "glow" a festival and this was supposedly an art instillation. However Chris, Omar, and Tom and I thought it was like a game where you pull on the strings to get the balloons to fall. But if you did that you got scolded... like I did...

On the Santa Monica 3rd street promenade where there is no car traffic. This man, who smelled like sweat and beer, danced to the guys playing guitar on the street. I don't know what the taxi hat means but he was entertaining nonetheless.

Reality Hits... and it sucks.

First off I want to say that this post is going to be mostly rants but I did want to get some good stuff in there before that happened.

First off holy shit I'm 25! In the first super cool move of my supervisor EVER, he gave me not only my birthday off (which hit a miserable Tuesday) but the Monday off as well. I skipped merrily home on Friday and enjoyed an action packed birthday weekend which was more than I thought would happen here in sunny California. On Saturday I spent some time with Samantha [an old high school friend who is now 1) a mother 2) a nurse and 3) my replacement mommy out here] where we did some very very "typical" California things. We got some frozen yogurt (oh Cali people and their lowfat frozen treats) and took in a show at the Improv in an Irvine mall. The malls in California are admittedly better than the outdoor ones in Chicago. I'm assuming that the year round sunny weather makes that possible. Lucky for me Harland Williams was the main event at the Improv and he let a very, very drunk Suzie take a picture with him. Then we ate some tasty food and went back to her house to play Rockband into the wee hours of the night. It was strange to wake up on her couch (in a way adult apartment she shares with her husband and child) hearing her 1 year old squawking in the next room. Strange because his mother and used to do some high school-y rebellious things together and imagining that she is now in charge of a little man is weird. But him and I hung out until his mom got up and made us delicious breakfast. I headed home to my Chris and we went walking for the first time at Runyon Canyon. I was pretty sure I was going to die as we climbed the narrow steps up the tallest mountain in the world (shut up, I know it's not true). The view when we got to the top was amazing, however. I could see every part of smoggy Los Angeles and I knew that this was something pretty cool.  Then we made some delectable anniversary burgers (6 years holy crap) and ate them classily with some champagne. It was a good night indeed. On Monday we spent the day at Venice beach which was relatively quiet (Chris said that potheads aren't up at the crack of 12pm) and we walked around while people hawked their random goods at us. It was fun and somewhat relaxing. Before we headed out we found a gem within Venice. The Venice Canals are like little water ways that cut through a tiny community. There are a few bridges that cars can drive over but mostly it is pedestrian traffic and really quite amazing.  That night we went to an improv/stand up show which Chris KILLED. It was quite hilarious and afterwards we were fed by the host's mother (who was very drunk but repeatedly told me I was adorable) and amongst the comedians time quietly ticked by and my birthday arrived. On Tuesday, my actual birthday, Chris and I headed to another hidden gem (was kind of in the ghetto) called the Watts Towers. The towers were created by a man named Watts for over 30 years from found objects. Pretty awesome. We couldn't get inside but I took as many pictures as I could and plan to go back when it is officially open. Then we set off to the "fashion district" for more hawking and random shopping.  It was pretty awesome. On the way home we bought some steaks and had another fabulous meal in with champagne. Pretty good weekend overall.

Now to the ranting and reality that has struck since then.
So work hasn't been great as I have already stated. My partner and I aren't doing what we told we were going to be doing and everyday we feel pretty damn useless and watch the clock tick by until we leave. We've discussed the situation with everyone we can and it seems like things should improve by November but it's still relatively frustrating to want to do something for little money and still not able to do it.
That's not the worst thing however. The other day I found my first cockroach in our apartment. I have been afraid of this since moving out of the pristine apartment my mother rented to me. If you know my mother you are aware that she is a "mother of doom." She will list out all the ways terrible things can happen to you just so you are prepared. It's quiet terrifying and thoroughly effective. Well she listed roaches as one of my main concerns for moving to Los Angeles and I thought that I was perhaps safe when I found an apartment that was a steal and very clean. As I was signing away 13 months of my life my new landlord drops on me that they spray every year, and month depending on the need. "Are roaches a problem" I ask incredibly freaked out that I am now chained to this apartment, "not so much anymore but we want to make sure they stay away." As we move our things in I find a dead one and freak out. It's dead, Chris says, don't worry. For a month I don't really worry. It's always on my mind though because I am my mother's child. Then as I am cleaning our apartment and on the phone with my mother (of course while Chris is off being funny) I move some paper to find a little brown bug. I quickly get off the phone with my mom (who is just as grossed out as I am) and trap the bastard under a Tony the Tiger cup and freak out some more. I'm thoroughly disgusted and when Chris gets home we get the fucker into a Tupperware. We show the landlady and she agrees to spray us and the apartments around us. I talk to my mom about it and all she does is freak me out more about how they will infest everything I own and never leave my life. So if you think that this is a overreaction you can see why...
I get some roach motels and hope that they will work after they spray since my mother (and all the wikipedia pages about it) has told me, ever so awesomely, that spraying never ever works. It only keeps them away for a bit. I calmed myself down a bit because I do have to live here (thanks lease) and we start keeping the apartment immaculate. Then another asshole shows up in my bathtub this morning. I can't deal with it man. This is my nightmare since my mother  has implanted the awful things that could be or are happening as we speak to my things. I don't feel comfortable in my own home and all I want to do is take my things from this apartment and live somewhere else.  I want to bag all of my crap up so the evil vermin can't get inside and get out. But I can't. My lease is 13 months and because they are trying to get rid of them I have no legal way to get out of my lease unless my landlady lets me out. And we can't afford more than what we pay. So after a major freak this morning I have claimed war against the bastards. We'll have little roach hotels out and change them every three months. They supposedly will take the bait back to the nest and kill everyone else. Hopefully my mother can get us some of the pesticide that she uses in her apartments. I hate that I don't feel comfortable and I hate that I'm in this position and that I was dumb enough to not ask the landlady about it before I signed a lease. I asked the guy who showed the apartment to us and he said oh no, which was one of the many lies he told us. It makes me feel really dumb and I hate everything about it. The only thing I can do is fight it and keep everything I have wrapped up and be stringent. Ugh.
And on the note of my landlady... She's been really kind of weird. She's really nice but she wants to be friends and often crosses the line of landlord and tenant. So here I sit in my apartment feeling grossed out with roach motels everywhere and my phone buzzing with texts from the woman I rent from.  It's not the worst thing that could have happened when I moved away but I'm not happy. But good things are that 1) our apartment is clean as hell and 2) I have been reminded of how awesome Chris is about pretty much everything. It's nice to live with him. He is my calm.

That's all for now. Sorry for the bitch session. I'll post more soon that will be better I promise.

And I Have Some Internet

Oh the joys of internet. Looking up things, stalking people, finding the closest grocery store now at my finger tips. Mmmm delicious. The way I have it is a little sketchy but here's hoping that cheap internet doesn't bite me in the ass.

So I'm still waiting to see the cool things about LA. The streets seem always dirty and the parking is almost always a pain. Chris went to San Francisco for a couple days (a comedy opportunity) leaving me alone for a few days. I walked around my Korea/Unidentified spanish-speaking neighborhood where I found dozens of shops hawking cheap clothes (like 5 dollars for a dress) and people with carts full of strange looking and smelling things. It's cool in it's own way and I decided I would take a walk to my neighborhood Walgreens for some stuff. The mile and a half there was uphill (I forgot about hills) so by the end of my journey I was exhausted. I did learn that I can probably buy anything in the tiny mini malls dotting Vermont street and a tasty place for coffee and boba. People looked at me funny but that I might be all in my head... or I just look funny. We'll see.

My next day alone I planned on visiting some of those dollar stores and random grocery stores but I couldn't find safe or free parking. I made my way to the only Starbucks I know of for some wifi, which is in the USC area (most of the coffee places here don't let you use their wifi without spending a certain amount of money or time there). It was full of students buying expensive beverages, which made me miss college days with expendable money, and a creepy dude who has been there every single time I've been. The last time Chris and I saw him he was plugged into the wall with his Nintendo saying things loudly like "yeah baby do that, grab a hold of it baby, yeah do it do it." We checked and he was playing a hot wheels game.  I was there for hours uploading photos and soaking up as much internet as I could. Then I went home, ate some not great Mexican from a place I yelped (very meh) and organized my pictures and cleaned. So my time without Chris was not exactly well spent in exploring LA but I did find out where us cheap people can find things to do.

Work is a little weird. Our site supervisor was gone all last week so this week my teammate and I had to show some ideas we came up for what we can do at CCD. Most of the week we fucked around on the internet and "researched." Our time is supposed to be 80% tutoring and teaching something at least mildly related to Literacy and the people at CCD don't seem to get what that means. They also don't seem to get that when you tutor someone you have to have some kind of knowledge of what they are studying. Otherwise you are a useless tutor. They think we can tutor anyone in their programs which range from Metro bus drivers, CNA's and EMT classes. Yeah how can I help them other than studying with them? So most of our time now is dedicated to revamping their "job club" which is in need of an update. I still find this placement to be kind of a joke but I know that if I actually try we can do good things. I just hate having no purpose at the moment. And their break room has a terrible roach problem. I hate roaches and I'm terribly afraid of them infesting my life and my apartment. Eww. So in all appearances my job site seems like an unorganized mess. And in reality it's close to it. But the work they do and the services they offer are well worth it.

 More, hopefully exciting posts to come. I'm going to post here some of my favorite pictures from the trip. Love to all!

BBQ in Missouri

New Mexico loves Jesus.

Me goofing in the car.

I never realized how awesome mountains are. Except when you're driving through them

This was my buddy from the creepiest place on earth's bathroom.

Ostriches! 

Me in Arizona. After the mountain ordeal. 

California welcoming me... and trying to search my car.

How Delightful That I Can Post From My Phone.

Or maybe just wrong? Either way I have been musing about L.A. and the strangeness that it is and I'd like to share them.

1) Ryan Seacrest is EVERYWHERE. He has attacked every crevice of LA. In Chicago he was confined to my tv (if I wanted him on it) and limited to only an hour on my radio. Now as I drive the 8 miles to work he bogart the billboards and mucks up my radio. Unpleasant. He's not even entertaining on the morning radio.

2) The libraries here are LAZY. LAZY I TELL YOU! They don't even open until 10am (sometimes 12:30pm) and then close promptly at 5pm. None seem to be open on Mondays either. What is that? What government institution isn't open in the morning? What happens if you need to print something out before work? Kinko's? Really? What the hell? I went yesterday to work on some freelance stuff, which required the internet, and I pull up to find a tiny cramped parking lot that's ridiculously full. (Separate point that's related: Parking SUCKS here. It seems too cramped for this many cars and it's rare to find a place you don't have to pay or move your car after an hour) There's more parking for the McDonald's next door. I had park in a shady place two blocks away (since all the parking right in front of the library is 1 hour). I will say it was very pretty however, even if it had no parking.

3) During high traffic times (which can be anytime... no one seems to have a job here) it may take more than two lights to make a left turn. There are few "left turn only" lights and I have sat waiting to turn for 5 lights. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, people don't have any idea how to drive or they are assholes. Or the ever charming combo. Most of the traffic in the mornings is caused by accidents because people here do whatever the hell they want. It's like when you're driving in Chicago and you see that you can get somewhere quicker only if you do some very dangerous, dumb, and assholey things. You think about it and usually go "nah" because you don't want to die nor cause the death of another. In LA they don't think, they do. I have to be on guard all the time for people causing all kinds of havoc! 

4) Everyone outside of LA in California seems to be having the best. Time. Ever. A few weeks ago I visited Samantha and her little one in Lake Forest, which is about an hour out of LA. It was beautiful. The mountains were clear, the streets were clean and Sami's apartment overlooks a canyon where there are coyotes and mountain lions howling at night. We went to a "swim club" for Justin's first birthday and at the end of the party Sami, the baby, and I went for a dip in the pool. We were getting out when this enormous group of teenagers swarmed the pool laughing and tossing their long long hair (boys too). They were tall, tan, thin and seeming oblivious to any kind of problem in the world. They giggled their surfer giggles and leaped into the pool with grace and ease. "See," said Sami "this is why I moved here. Everyone is so happy and pretty." I observed these kids and realized they made me uncomfortable. Why? Perhaps it's because I'm a Midwesterner or because I grew up bitter but their carefree nature seemed to mock me. Life seemed too awesome for them and the slightest bump might break their perfect little worlds. I thought to myself, God I don't want to have kids that are like this. Sure I want them to be happy and carefree (for the most part) but I want them to be realistic. I want them to have suffered a little, experienced shoveling out the driveway or their boogers freezing in the below zero air. I think growing up in an environment that doesn't change season makes you think everything is so easy. I want my babies Midwestern. Seasons change damnit and they need a thicker skin to deal with it. Yeah reading that last bit over probably makes me sound terrible but most of my favorite people grew up in the Midwest and I love them dearly (and their cynicism). People here, especially LA, don't seem real unless they grew up somewhere else.

Well I'm done with my mini LA rant for now but there will be more I'm sure. NINJA!

This is STUPID

Surprisingly I am not commenting on Los Angeles the city.

I have been in Los Angeles for two full weeks now and I feel "OK." I even wrote a little spiel that didn't make it here because of my non internetness that proclaimed that as I reach my 25th year I'm happy that somethings have fallen into place. I haven't explored the natural wonders California has to offer yet nor tasted the delicious cuisine. I have however moved into my studio apartment with Chris, gotten electricity in my name, and other little "big girl" things I didn't have to do in Chicago while mooching of my parents. I still don't have a California Driver's License or internet for that matter (at work using the free resources) but I feel generally settled.

OR DO I?

I'm feeling a little swindled right now and let me explain why.

1) apparently the "cheap" internet does not come to my apartment. I don't think we can live without it and so far every provider I've called says they either don't reach us or it will cost at least 40 dollars a month. I make dick. I make less than dick actually, technically my stipend doesn't even count as income. I don't know how I'm supposed to rummage up 20 bucks a month when living here is already costing me a lot. This is a problem.

2) I have started my job which was at first very exciting. I was stuck in a jobless rut in Chicago and it felt good to be back in the non-profit world with AmeriCorps. But now that I have officially started at my service site I'm feeling lost again.

So I joined LiteracyAmeriCorps Network which is exactly as it sounds, AmeriCorps people doing literacy things. I was chosen by my "site supervisor" after a quick interview over the phone where he told me that I would be helping people get jobs and set up some kind of "networking" thing. It sounded vague but promising. After I get here and meet the others in my cohort (there are 14 of us in total) I learn they are at other sites that do case management, ESL tutoring, or high school/young child tutoring. Joey and I (he's my partner) instead have been placed at Community Career Development, which is new to this whole "AmeriCorps" thing. So after training a bit with the other people in LAC we made it to our sites ready to make a difference. We get there to find...that they have no idea what they want to do with us.

My "boss" or site supervisor is a nonchalant dude who is like "I have an idea for what I kind of sort of want you to work on but that's all I got." As part of LiteracyAmeriCorps we're supposed to be working on literacy in all its' forms at least most of the time. So far we've put together binders and created a "study tips" worksheet for people enrolled in the Metro Bus Driver classes. Oh and my "boss" (if I could do air quotes instead it would be more effective but here we are) stuck us at a different worksource site this week with a woman who assumes that we can just do what she wants without any materials or training. She wanted us to make the aforementioned study skills worksheet for materials we're not familiar with which we did from piecing together things from the internet. She also things we should just be able to run a Job Club (a club that teaches about resumes, interviews blah blah blah) without any materials either. I'd like to tell her that I'm only here because I couldn't get a damn job.

It's frustrating. For most of the day today Joey and I have been trying to figure out how we can be helpful to the population we're supposed to be serving, what kind of programs we can implement, and where we belong here. So far...nowhere. I wanted this place to be challenging and a learning experience but now I feel like a stupid intern and that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing which at this point is I DON'T KNOW WHAT. I feel unprepared and I hate sitting at a desk with nothing to do for 8 hours.

Will I find my place here? Will Joey and I make an awesome program that can be used after we leave? Will I ever have internet again? I'm not sure but it did feel good to vent.

In other news: I miss my friends, I miss my home, and I miss my mom. That was to be expected though I guess and I'm trying to like Los Angeles. I'll let you know how that goes. Until I have time/internet again...goodbye faithful readers (read Diana).

And I'm here!

Sorry for the infrequent posting my people (well maybe just Diana who I know has been checking) but I'm trying to find scattered internet while I get things settled in Los Angeles. So I'm here? WHAT?! The whole experience was very strange as I was moving. For three days on the road with my dad it felt like I was on an awkward vacation more than moving a carload of my shit to Los Angeles. More on that later, let me tell you about my situation now. Currently I live in a two bedroom apartment with four other people. The one roommate who shares a room with Chris has been sleeping on the couch so I have some relative privacy except when I want to try and get some internet or food. They are young, polite, and nice but one of them gives me the creeps and another one is stealing my milk. It's a typical boy apartment with sticky countertops, moldy food and scummy showers. It's not that bad but I can't wait to settle into our new one. We don't have a bed in the new one so we're still sleeping here. On an extra mattress while Tom (the creepy one) sleeps on Chris'. There is a reason for this I'm sure. Oh and a block away there is Hollywood Boulevard with stars on the ground, Man's Chinese and Kodak Theater, and wax museums galore. That's fucking trippy. There's really not much to it other than tourist traps. It's a total culture and geographical shock. I look down the street and I can see mountains in the distance. I have to put my parking break on and remember the oh so useless to me (until now) driver's ed instruction of how to park up and down hills. The flat terrain of my motherland full of sweet sweet corn and soybeans has not prepared me for driving uphill. It's really beautiful here and if it weren't Los Angeles with it's attitude I think I could completely get used to it. I sort of stick out a little bit with my Midwestern build and goofy three dollar t-shirts. I think I'm OK with it though. I've never really been into fashion and since I won't have enough money to buy food, I don't think I'll be worrying about it out here.

Signing the lease was really kind of scary. Giving away my money and signing into a 13 month lease means that no matter how bad this apartment could get I have to stay there or at least pay for it. That was really heavy. And...I found a dead bug. I don't know for sure if it was a cockroach but it really freaked me out. They spray every month for bugs and the landlord lives there so if there is a bug problem she's on it. She's young with three kids, one of which is an infant, and apparently wants to be my friend. This is could be good... or disastrous. Time will tell but it's nice to have an offer? I'm trying to keep a good perspective on everything because I have a tendency to think everything will blow up in my face. Can't do that here. It is really beautiful here.

So I'm going to leave with my favorite tale from the road. The day I almost DIED.

We were driving through Arizona (which I hate. No they didn't try to deport us but it was hot and full of asshole mountains) and my father wanted to stop and take the edge off with a beer. He's a high functioning alcoholic usually but moving me across country made him real edgy. He requested to "chug" a beer in my car which I vehemently denied so we had to make a pit stop. We saw a sign for "petrified wood" and we took the exit listed. Right as we got off I knew there was something weird about it. It was just a dirt road that lead up a mini mountain. As we drove up we started seeing the huge paper mache animals that sprinkled the rocks... A big tiger, a brachiosaurus, a pterodactly with a mannequin riding it? As we turned an ostrich farm revealed itself on the right with the big bastards running around in their pen hissing at one another. On the left there were mannequins posed next to dead cars and a wood shack. The door was open and we walked in where there tons of different shaped rocks, petrified wood, and dinosaur stuff. It looked empty and my dad and I started poking around when a tall, handsome, black man walked out. He was overtly nice, which I don't trust because I'm from Chicago, and he started blabulating about the stuff he had to sell. I asked for the bathroom and he pointed down a narrow hallway. There were locked doors and the faint smell of pee as I approached the bathroom. It was clean looking but reeked of pee. As I sat down I looked to my left at a tub with the shower curtain drawn. I saw the faint outline of what looked like a person. Knowing from the collection outside, I knew it was probably a mannequin. Had to be. I slowly drew back the curtain and confirmed my suspicions but still had to stifle my scream. Fucking creepy. After the bathroom my dad was no where to be found and I was left alone with Lester. I tried to be polite and look at the things he was selling but was getting more and more creeped out. When my dad showed up Lester offered us a chance to feed the ostriches. "Be careful, they haven't eaten yet." I grabbed a cup of feed and walked up to the hissing enormous birds. Confused as to how I was going to feed them over this enormous cage I saw an arm hole for me to put the feed in. I shakily tried to do this and when the first bird bit the side of the cup I dropped the feed. I didn't want to lose a finger to this damn bird. Afterwards we hastily left hearing the pterodactyl wings creaking.

MOVING?!?!?!

As I sit here and go through everything I own (OK the things in my apartment) I am on and off FREAKING OUT. It's all too soon (OK OK so it's a year in the making) and I can't believe the amount of crap I have compiled in my 25 years. I had planned on moving in October where I would have more time to thoughtfully say goodbye to my family, friends, city, and stuff. But now in a 2 short weeks I am leaving. Leaving the soft bosom of Chicago and throwing myself into an adventure of ginormous proportions. So as I whittle down my things so it can fit neatly into my tiny Honda Civic I am contemplating these things.

1) It's good to know that little Suzie was as much of a pack rat as big Suzie. Today I went through the last remnants of my childhood to find nothing really but random crap that was once special and bags and bags of garbage (literally). At least big Suzie doesn't shove garbage into places. I officially know what happens to chocolate after spending 10 years in a desk (it turns to brown strange dust that vaguely smells of what it once was).

2) As I say goodbye I know that I will never find as good as friends as I have in Chicago. The friendships I've cultivated here are once in a lifetime. I mean who still has their best friend from grade school, high school, and college at 25? Not many people. And for that matter who has such a supportive family that their mom will store the huge amount of crap I can't take and a dad who will drive with me out there?

3) How on earth have I kept SO MUCH SHIT? Seriously. I still had the St. Ignatius class of 2004 email address list. What? When have I ever, ever needed that? And why has it survived these 6 years?

4) While I am terrified, I know that I'm making the right decision. To get mushy I love Chris and I can't wait to start this part of my life. I won't be making much money and I plan on getting food stamps (what what) it'll be fun to live somewhere else and I can try and be a legit adult.

5) I have to be better at talking to people so I can keep my peeps in Chicago. Because I love them. And I'm too legit to quit.